Geek God and Weird Mortals

This weekend i watched two people ive known for a realtively good length of time pour multi-colored sand into a jar in the strangest and most sarcastic wedding ceremony ive ever seen.  


In a public park under the poor shade of a thin pine tree grove, myself and a surprisingly small group of acquaintances i had once known in and around my high school years, stood in a half hearted semi circle pretending to shield the sun from our eyes, but truly just averting our gaze from the awkward exchanging of vows written by a single user in the comment section of her own poetry blog.  The couple both just absolutely gorgeous in red and black mock kissed and laughed.  


This whole thing must be a set up, a ruse, to lure his friends and her family into a great laugh for their amusement.  


The strangeness finally came to a conclusion and they asked the lot of us to head back some local dive spot for some good clean fun, and my wavering sobriety stumbled myself and one of those strange acquaintances along for the ride.  He had been doing an archaic and strange drug he insisted i call cocaine, but upon tasting the shit I’m certain it was mostly dry wall dust.  Since he had elected me his buddy for the evening i was designated to sit in the car and listen to his strange drug induced rambling, and there he told me of how much i had changed his life; not only after the last few months of allowing myself to get to know the guy, but throughout high school when to me he was the weird, not fully committed goth kid.  


“You were always cool to me and my group of weirdos.” he said to me in a jittery statement of inarguable fact.  “I mean we all knew that you knew us, and you were really easy to get along with, but you still seemed above us more lowly geeks on the totem pole.”

This events if they truly occurred are many miles and a few years removed for me myself.  And it began feeling like he might be hitting on me as his marble eyes took a lazy tour of the cab of my truck.  


The different things that happen to a person physically in the middle of a decent bender of bad drugs is always so interesting.  Cocaine and alcohol give him the slow and constant chew that could simply be explained away as an uncommon nervous tick if you neglected the flared nostrils and wide gaze; and then the odd slurred sleepiness of a drunk in a chair with all the energy of a great dance break in the middle of the sickest beat, but no motor skills to throw his hands in the air.  


“Shoelaces,” he said after a long snort and cough session. “You were always like a geek god to us guys.  Even Tophat in there.”  He motioned with a coke filled key.  “We all just thought we would be so much cooler if you would come over and be our friend.  The way you sink into any social setting and can just be such a badass no matter where you have to be at the moment was enviable for awkward loners like us.”


He took another snort and offered the bag to me.  


How any person could have looked at my lifestyle then or now and see someone they would want to look up to is beyond comprehension.  My insecurities overwhelm my better judgement, and I’ve wound myself back into the very hell I had tried so hard to climb out of, and here i am in the midst of the same mistakes i was making when I walked from this street and into something i could trust.  

Here I sit with this lot of inebriated jokers who still aren’t in on the joke.  

Here i sit with a deep lack of respect and self control, and you want to tell me you look up to me like I am some sort of great campfire hero of geeks who didn’t catch the right wave?


You’re insane.